You are surfing posts written on February 18th, 2009

18 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla

I did it. I took the Powerhouse 90 class tonight. Apparently 4 nights a week, they focus on 4 different exercises. Monday: Legs and Lower back, Tuesday: plyometrics (WTF?), Wednesday (tonight): Chest, Arms, Shoulders, Upper Back, Thursday: Yoga

I thought we’d do some push ups, but mostly free weight work. Um no. All push ups, all the time.

Seriously, we did 1.5 minutes of push ups, then 1.5 minutes of PULL UPS or back rows.We did this for 40 minutes.

Imagine a Walrus with opposable thumbs. Now imagine it pulling itself up by these two loose triangles connected to ropes. Um, yeah. That would be me.

Now imagine the walrus trying to do push ups. The first few times were fine, but then Cute Little Trainer Boy (who is, btw, no longer that cute) tells the class to try ‘diamond’ push ups. WTF? A push up is a push up.

Um no. Apparently there are several ways to push up. I failed them all. Mostly.

Regular push ups: success

Arms out wider push ups: success

Hands together forming a diamond with your thumbs and forefingers: EPIC FAIL

Inverted push ups (putting feet or knees on the step so that you’re at an incline) EENSY FAIL

Dive Bomber Pushups: MAJOR EPIC HOLY WTF WAS I THINKING FAIL.

We won’t even discuss pull ups. Why? you ask. Because it was so traumatic, I have already blocked it from my memory.

Here’s the thing, I survived the class. I sweated like a whore in church, and I made a friend. I’m considering going back tomorrow for yoga (I think I can manage that, though it’s been a while). But my new friend said I should try the Zumba class afterward.

Maybe I will. Surely walrus’s have rhythm…

I am the walrus, koo-koo-ka-choo.

18 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla

So, there’s this new class at my gym. It’s called the Powerhouse 90. And Cute Little Trainer Boy recommended I give it a try to help jumpstart my metabolism and weightloss. He suggested I add this class once or twice a week, on top of my 4-5 days of running and 3-4 days of weight training.

Why not? I think. Hell I have nothing but time now that THE BOOK THAT WOULD NOT END is done. (until revisions, that is)

I’m thinking about trying it out tonight, but one thing has me hesitating…

As you enter the gym, there is a whiteboard announcing the new class. It reads:

POWERHOUSE 90: An hour of sheer torture. Come if you dare.

Or maybe it said, Come if you’re stupid. or was it Come if you want to die today. I dunno, they all sound the same to me.

Still, I’m thinking about going. I mean, I need to do something to jumpstart my weightloss. But the idea of being tortured in a class full of Barbie Hair Girls really doesn’t appeal to me. Especially since I’m about as coordinated as a drunk, 3-legged Elephant.

It really won’t be very pretty. But maybe I’ll do it once, just for the story.

What do you think? Should I stay or should I go?

18 Feb 2009

I went to the gym today.

Gorgeous isn’t it? Doesn’t it just look clean and lovely and make you want to go workout? This isn’t a gym it’s a health palace.

Too bad it’s not my health palace.

My gym looks more like:

Okay granted I took the picture while walking on the treadmill but it’s not too much of a stretch, blurring and all.

Why you ask?

Because the one picture I did NOT take was one of the guy next to me. The Walking Bog of Stench.

Oh.my.GOD.

He reeked of stale cigarettes (like the smell was in his pores or something). AND He was wearing 4 layers of clothes in an effort to sweat off his weight. (It must have been working because there was a steam cloud of perspiration around him).

Thus the label of the bog of stench.

But I triumphed baby. Text I sent HZ at 6:01pm: “I’m not leaving until he does. I will not allow the bog of stench to defeat me.”

Thankfully he scuttled away about 20 mins into my 45 minute treadmill routine and oh GLORIOUS OXYGEN! And I am so proud of myself because let me tell you every fiber of my being was telling me to just say screw it and leave. But I toughed it out!

Let me just say that I will NEVER go to the world’s tiniest 24 hour fitness at 5:30pm ever again. Every cardio machine was taken. EVERY SINGLE ONE. and there was still a line of 2o people waiting for available machines. Crazy!

In the meantime I am certain that somewhere David Bowie is laughing at my pain.

For those of you who missed The Labyrinth movie reference you can also click HERE. It is 100% 80s muppet craziness.