You are surfing posts written in February, 2009

20 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla

I tried ZUMBA last night. It’s a Latin based dance/aerobics that is more fun than exercise should ever be. It takes the basics of interval training by speeding up your heart rate for  a few mintes then slowing it down for a few…all the while you shake your hips and get your groove on. Here’s a video on the basics: (we did this without the Spanish speaking instructor. I kinda think I was missing out, frankly)

I’m telling you, I had a blast. Sure, I was walrus like a few times. There are a couple of moves that I couldn’t quite get due to overthinking. When I stopped thinking and just let my feet do the work, I was fine, but if I looked at the instructor’s moves I would start thinking I was doing something wrong and then I would stumble.

Also, there was this one ‘cross over’ move that kept tripping me up because I was wearing my bell-bottom yoga pants and they kept getting in my way. Finally I used my noggin and rolled my pants up to my knees. That helped tremendously.

This was a total blast and I am now replacing Thursday night TV with ZUMBA! (that’s what TIVO is for, right?) It really is the most fun I’ve ever had exercising. My hope is that after a year or so, I’ll be just like this chick. (And just so you know, in my head, I moved like her last night…)

This is a must watch to see a beautiful body move the way ZUMBA intended. I really wanna be this chick. You have no idea.

20 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller

Although the world is full of fun and diverse people I’ve discovered you can really divide them all into two groups.

1) People who wear spandex

2) People who wouldn’t wear spandex for all the money in the freakin WORLD.

Until today I was happily entrenched in group #2. There are several reasons for this. For one thing I don’t particularly enjoy displaying my robust size in Hollywoodland of Anorexic Baywatch Barbies. For another, I’m not a fan of constricting items. I don’t wear tight shirts. I don’t wear tight pants. Hell, I don’t even really wear a watch. We can pretty much that this to mean that I won’t ever be a fishnet and leather bustier-wearing dominatrix but I’m okay with that.  Yes, yes I am.

Then I ran out of clean clothes.

It’s my fault, I know this. But after a week of having to constantly change clothes for different reasons (the weather, post workouts, beverage clumsiness, meetings, etc) I wasn’t in the mood to tackle the Denali of clothes.

 Until it was gym time. I HAD to hit the gym because today is my workout day. And I’m not willing to go at midnight. And I can’t go at 6pm because of previous smell-scariness. So I had to go to the gym. And I didn’t have any freaking PANTS. I raided the closet, the dark back recesses of the closet where you never really look because you usually pull the first clean thing off the clean laundry pile. I came up with two options.

1) jeans

2) spandex

So I went with:

Spandex pants

And let me tell you something it was UNCOMFORTABLE. They fit just fine but I was totally conscious of every fat cell in my body. Freaked me out.

I think my new strategy when I’m feeling snacky is to put on spandex pants. It might be the ultimate appetite suppressant.

Edited to add: Yes, I’m sucking in my tummy. A LOT.

19 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla

If you’re a regular reader (I don’t mean Metamucil regular, I mean come here often) you know I’ve been in the middle of a 3 week plateau. This plateau sux every kind of ass imaginable. I think it sux unimaginable ass as well.

So on my quest to break this plateau, I’m trying things. Like the NEW THING AT THE GYM yesterday which kicked my ass. (however, I actually feel damn good today. loads of energy. Yes, I’m sore, but I really feel great. could’ve been the Advil I had for dinner and breakfast…) I’ve also been scouring the health websites for SMART WORDS OF WEIGHTLOSS WISDOM.

Yesterday, I received an email from The subject read: Why Diets Don’t Work for Women over 40

Dude, I’m not even 40 yet. I have 23 days left. So back off with your “over 40″ shit. MmmmmKay?

After I smoothed my hackles, I decided to read the article. It can’t hurt, right?

STEP ONE: Flush false fat by banishing wheat. One of the most common food allergens and a major cause of false fat in many women is wheat. Wheat contains a protein called gluten, which is difficult to break down, absorb and assimilate… all of which can trigger fatigue, depression, bloating and intestinal gas.

The good news is it’s now easier than ever to steer clear of bloat-inducing wheat. This week, try substituting breads made with rice, millet, amaranth, quinoa, or soy and oat; crackers made with rice or potatoes; pasta made with rice, quinoa, or buckwheat; and cookies made with rice, oat or millet flour. You’ll find plenty of delicious options in your health food store or healthy aisle of your supermarket.

This one is not going to happen for me. It’s too much work. And unless my personal doctor tells me that I need to banish wheat/gluten from my diet, then I’m going to keep enjoying it

STEP TWO: Knock out your appetite. Most diets will tell you to avoid fats. But did you know that some essential fats help you feel full and can even reduce your appetite? It’s true. Fiber is also known for this. One of my favorite foods — flaxseed — packs a one-two punch providing both of these good things. It’s full of omega-3 fatty acids and an excellent source of fiber — I think of it as one of nature’s most perfect foods. Plus, the essential oils in flax may also help do wonders for your skin. In fact, I’m such a fan of flax that if I were stranded on an island, and had to choose one food to survive on, I’d choose flaxseed hands down.

Flaxseed is a small seed that resembles a sesame seed. You can use it in a variety of ways — but it must be milled or ground for the nutrients to be released. I recommend four to six tablespoons daily, alone or sprinkled on food. Milled flax tastes great in hot or cold cereal, on salads, pasta, or in shakes.

Let me explain the roles fat and fiber play in weight loss. Fat provides more calories than protein and carbohydrates, is used more slowly for energy, and helps to maintain satiety for longer periods of time. I recommend you consume adequate amounts of good fat (omega-3 and –6 essential fatty acids) while dieting, and studies confirm that a moderate fat diet (25%-35% of calories from fat) is effective in losing weight. In addition to their appetite-suppressing abilities, they may also help promote normal brain function, and may improve mood and emotional state, a big plus while losing weight.

This is easy for me. I like Flax. It’s easy to add to the diet. So I’m giving it a go. I ran out and bought a bag of Flaxseed Meal last night. I made muffins this morning and added two tablespoons to the mix. Kids didn’t notice anything, though my youngest son said he filled up faster. (I believe he at 5 muffins instead of 7 LOL)

STEP THREE: Shift into high gear. You’ve flushed out the false fats, now it’s time to rev up your metabolism, and start burning fat and calories more efficiently. You may be surprised to hear that along with its antioxidant properties, green tea can help you burn calories as well. Green tea contains special chemicals called catechins. These catechins may protect a brain chemical related to metabolism. The higher your levels of this brain chemical, the greater your metabolism and the faster you burn calories.

One cup of brewed green tea contains about 100 mg of catechins. To reap the full benefit of green tea, I recommend consuming at least three eight-ounce cups daily (to provide roughly 240-320 mg of catechins). If you prefer not to drink the tea, either of these options provides the same level of protection: 1) 300-400 mg daily of green tea extract. Be sure the product is standardized to 80 percent catechins and at least 50 percent epigallocatechin (EGCG). This extract is not always caffeine-free; check the label. 2) 100 mg of green tea catechins, taken three times daily. This product is caffeine-free.

Another no brainer. I’m a big tea drinker, and if I mix a green-tea bag with a peppermint tea bag, it’s actually very good. But I like the idea of just taking a pill with breakfast/dinner and moving on. So I bought some Green Tea Extract pills last night. The highest I could find were 75% catechins. But that’s okay. It’s a start.

Now, if I don’t break this plateau in a major way, I’m making an appointment with a diet doc. Seriously. Maybe he can staple my stomach or tie it up with that band, or wire my mouth shut. Something. Because I know I’m eating right, and hell I know I’m exercising. So this fat better start falling off my big ass soon otherwise I may fly into a rage like that crazed chimp. And y’all don’t wanna see that.

Filed Under: Hogzilla
18 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla

I did it. I took the Powerhouse 90 class tonight. Apparently 4 nights a week, they focus on 4 different exercises. Monday: Legs and Lower back, Tuesday: plyometrics (WTF?), Wednesday (tonight): Chest, Arms, Shoulders, Upper Back, Thursday: Yoga

I thought we’d do some push ups, but mostly free weight work. Um no. All push ups, all the time.

Seriously, we did 1.5 minutes of push ups, then 1.5 minutes of PULL UPS or back rows.We did this for 40 minutes.

Imagine a Walrus with opposable thumbs. Now imagine it pulling itself up by these two loose triangles connected to ropes. Um, yeah. That would be me.

Now imagine the walrus trying to do push ups. The first few times were fine, but then Cute Little Trainer Boy (who is, btw, no longer that cute) tells the class to try ‘diamond’ push ups. WTF? A push up is a push up.

Um no. Apparently there are several ways to push up. I failed them all. Mostly.

Regular push ups: success

Arms out wider push ups: success

Hands together forming a diamond with your thumbs and forefingers: EPIC FAIL

Inverted push ups (putting feet or knees on the step so that you’re at an incline) EENSY FAIL


We won’t even discuss pull ups. Why? you ask. Because it was so traumatic, I have already blocked it from my memory.

Here’s the thing, I survived the class. I sweated like a whore in church, and I made a friend. I’m considering going back tomorrow for yoga (I think I can manage that, though it’s been a while). But my new friend said I should try the Zumba class afterward.

Maybe I will. Surely walrus’s have rhythm…

I am the walrus, koo-koo-ka-choo.

18 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla

So, there’s this new class at my gym. It’s called the Powerhouse 90. And Cute Little Trainer Boy recommended I give it a try to help jumpstart my metabolism and weightloss. He suggested I add this class once or twice a week, on top of my 4-5 days of running and 3-4 days of weight training.

Why not? I think. Hell I have nothing but time now that THE BOOK THAT WOULD NOT END is done. (until revisions, that is)

I’m thinking about trying it out tonight, but one thing has me hesitating…

As you enter the gym, there is a whiteboard announcing the new class. It reads:

POWERHOUSE 90: An hour of sheer torture. Come if you dare.

Or maybe it said, Come if you’re stupid. or was it Come if you want to die today. I dunno, they all sound the same to me.

Still, I’m thinking about going. I mean, I need to do something to jumpstart my weightloss. But the idea of being tortured in a class full of Barbie Hair Girls really doesn’t appeal to me. Especially since I’m about as coordinated as a drunk, 3-legged Elephant.

It really won’t be very pretty. But maybe I’ll do it once, just for the story.

What do you think? Should I stay or should I go?

18 Feb 2009

I went to the gym today.

Gorgeous isn’t it? Doesn’t it just look clean and lovely and make you want to go workout? This isn’t a gym it’s a health palace.

Too bad it’s not my health palace.

My gym looks more like:

Okay granted I took the picture while walking on the treadmill but it’s not too much of a stretch, blurring and all.

Why you ask?

Because the one picture I did NOT take was one of the guy next to me. The Walking Bog of Stench.

He reeked of stale cigarettes (like the smell was in his pores or something). AND He was wearing 4 layers of clothes in an effort to sweat off his weight. (It must have been working because there was a steam cloud of perspiration around him).

Thus the label of the bog of stench.

But I triumphed baby. Text I sent HZ at 6:01pm: “I’m not leaving until he does. I will not allow the bog of stench to defeat me.”

Thankfully he scuttled away about 20 mins into my 45 minute treadmill routine and oh GLORIOUS OXYGEN! And I am so proud of myself because let me tell you every fiber of my being was telling me to just say screw it and leave. But I toughed it out!

Let me just say that I will NEVER go to the world’s tiniest 24 hour fitness at 5:30pm ever again. Every cardio machine was taken. EVERY SINGLE ONE. and there was still a line of 2o people waiting for available machines. Crazy!

In the meantime I am certain that somewhere David Bowie is laughing at my pain.

For those of you who missed The Labyrinth movie reference you can also click HERE. It is 100% 80s muppet craziness.
17 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla, running

After 2 weeks of plataeu, 1 week of 2lbs of water…I FINALLY broke through. FINALLY. Okay, it’s only a 1/2 loss, but damn at least it’s a loss. Now I have to lose only 1.5 more lbs to get my next CD. I’m debating between 3 different ones:

Hopefully I’ll be picking one of those puppies up by the end of the week.

I registered for my race yesterday. I have 4 weeks to get my booty ready to run 3.2 miles. I can do that on elliptical and treadmill with no problem, but on pavement? Not so easy. However, I’m going to grow a pair and take care of business. If Cinde can run her first 5K in subzero weather, and if CK can just jump in feet first and do a half-marathon like a champ, I by GOD can faux-jog 3.2 miles.

I’m actually pretty stoked about it.

16 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, diet

Okay this isn’t usually a place for debate but I do have a question. Is anyone else wondering what is wrong with Michael Phelps? No, not the part where he smoked a bong and got caught (idiot). No, I’m talking about the part where the same guy whose girlfriend’s nudie pics were located and posted to the internet hours after their relationship went public obviously didn’t expect to have a picture of his bong hit smeared all over the internet.

HELLO, Michael? Didn’t you notice your endorsement package was a bit heftier then most other athletes? You really didn’t think that sort of cash comes with a spotlight?

In other news today was a weather day. It made me want to curl up with a mug of hot chocolate and listen to rain hitting the windows. I tried running outside this morning with two significant challenges.

1) It was slippery as hell on the sidewalks

2) It started raining and I wasn’t about to run in a white long sleeve shirt providing a plus-sized wet t-shirt contest for my dear friends and neighbors (At least not for free).

So I came home, changed, and spent the whole day doing work stuff online. Now I have to go to the gym and walk off my carb-laden pasta and garlic bread dinner. I tried to maintain portion control but I still feel like I have a brick in my stomach.

I really need to get off my butt and go to the gym at like 7am before I eat. I’d certainly feel better about the 7000 situps I need daily in order to strengthen my core!

How are you all doing? How is 2009 treating you?

Everyone I know is crazy busy and stressing!

15 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, diet

I know, he does not look amused. LOL.

My dog died a little less then two years ago. He was 17 years old and it was definitely his time but it was tough. It’s still kind of tough. To this day whenever I see a trash can on the floor in the house I think “oh better put that away so the dog doesn’t get it.” Yes, for Deuce, the world was his snackbar. He’s been gone since July 07 and this is one of the ten thousand things I still think about. 

I remember driving home from my parent’s house after he passed. At the time I was drinking my third Diet Coke Big Gulp of the day. It was a standard day of Big Gulp drinking and I remember thinking “this shit is horrible for me and I’m obsessed with it. It stops today.” Why that day I don’t know but I said it and it worked. The day my dog died was the last time I’ve consumed Diet Coke. Since then I have had a cabinet full of it (my parents drink it when they’re over) and I haven’t had a drop.

I know that probably sounds dumb but that’s actually a pretty BIG deal for me. You know how some smokers forever crave cigarettes. In the good old days I could mainline an entire factory full of Diet Coke and not even think about it. That’s how bad it was.

I’ve tried to do this with other things since then. I tried to do “I’m not going to eat fast food after election day.” Whatever. Or more generally, “I’m going to eat healthier in the new year.” Uh huh. It’s not that I eat crap, I just eat too much and often without thinking. Writing stuff down helps but I don’t always do it. (I’m getting better about writing down though)

I sort of feel like when diet and exercise are involved every day’s plan begins “tomorrow.” I’ll eat better tomorrow. I’ll work out twice as much tomorrow. Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I feel like Little Orphan Annie without the curly hair.

So instead of setting a starting point, I’m setting an end goal. Not my friend’s wedding in October. Not the half marathon date in Sept. No, I’m setting it for New Year’s Eve.  When the ball drops for 2010 I’m going to too busy to notice because I’ll be locking lips with someone HOT. I don’t know yet if he’s going to be geek hot like Bill Gates, just plain hot like Patrick Dempsey, or dirty hot like Johnny Depp. But I’m going to be kissing a frickin’ HOT guy.

And to feel comfortable doing that at this point, I need to lose weight.

Fortunately I have this Disneyland timed half marathon insanity to motivate me. So today is day one. Plan of action is to get off my ass and get moving. Consistently. After all it’s just: Ticker

But I still miss my dog.

14 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Is it coincidence that this year’s VD is the day after Friday the 13th? Hmmm…