It was hotter than balls yesterday. Honestly, walking the Big Dam(n) Bridge @2:00 in the afternoon was like walking through the flames of hell with the Heat Miser on my back. Not. Fun.

So I only walked 2 miles…which is better than I’ve done in a while, but not good enough. I also did some light weights last night.

I weighed this morning…I’m 4lbs heavier than I thought I was which just makes me ill. I’m okay with being a little fluffy, but I’m pretty sure at this point I’m pushing the fluffy-envelope.

Food wise I did well. I did drink 2 bud light limes last night, but I’m okay with that. My calories were right at 1200 so it’s all good. And I had lots of water.

Tonight we’re celebrating a friend’s bday and I know wine will be involved. I will allow myself up to 2 glasses, but I’m also planning to walk or do my DVD workout afterward. Mainly because that +4 lbs is burned onto the backs of my eyelids, constantly staring at me and making me feel like a chump. Fuck you, scale. I may be a fat ass, but I’m not gonna take it anymore!

In  fun news, I downloaded a new fitness app to my iPhone. iMapFitness. It will track your miles by GPS as well as your average speed. I love gadgety stuff!

I’m starting over. I’ve gotten lazy and soft and now I have a book signing for my 2nd book (LOVE SUCKS! HarperTeen) coming up in 6 weeks and my arms look like hams and my chin is starting to double up. All because I stopped paying attention.

Sure, I have great excuses. I spent time fixing up my new casa. Cleaning, painting, and then moving. That’s exercise–right? Sure it is, if you’re not drinking beer and eating massive amounts of pizza, BBQ and cheese dip. Oh, and cheese puffs. Lots and lots of cheese puffs.

I’ve stopped my regular exercise and that just isn’t working for me. So here I am, week 1; day 1 again… My goal is 12 lbs in 6 weeks. I know that’s a tough goal, but if I hit it hard, I can do it.

I’ve started off right today. 1 pack of 100 calorie raw almonds, 1 black plum, 1 cup yogurt for bfast. Lunch is a healthy choice and a salad with some blueberries. Dinner? Not sure yet, but probably whole wheat spaghetti and salad.

I’m walking after work and I’m doing my Jillian Michaels DVD at least 3 days a week. If I do all of that, and really cut down on the empty but yummy calories (aka booze) then -12lbs should be no problem.

I’ll check back tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Okay, not exactly FLUFFY but I’m definitely getting soft. I’ve gained about 7 lbs and lost some muscle tone in the few weeks that I’ve been moving…houses not my body. If I had continued to move my body in that time, I might be hitting a new milestone right now. But I digress…

So I told CK the other day that I did better with my fitness when I was blogging here on a semi-regular basis. And even though I don’t have internet at home right now (WHAT?) I’m going to do my best to blog a day or two a week.

Here’s where I am:

I’m down from a size 16/18 to a 12 dress and a 14 pant. BUT my weight is still higher than I want it to be (and creeping back up which is a NO NO because I gave away all my fat clothes on purpose). I was walking about 25 miles a week and feeling pretty darn good about it. I had to drop my gym membership but I’m hoping to start adding that back soon.

My plan now is to walk 3-4 miles a day 3-4 days a week to start. I’d like to start back on a walk-to-run program but I can’t do that til I buy new shoes. And I can’t buy new shoes for a while, so until then, I’ll just be walking.

I’m going to add my Jillian Michaels DVD to my routine twice a week and I’ve discovered jumping on the trampoline is not only fun, but a great core and ass work out. So I’m gonna do that whenever I feel like it.

My goal is to lose 15 lbs by end of July.

I’ll report in next week!

Fat isn’t just a state of body, it’s also a state of mind. And it’s a scary state of mind because once you start thinking of yourself as fat, it’s VERY hard to stop thinking of yourself that way.

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t think I was fat. Even when I was a fit 135 lb athlete in high school. I was curvy. I had hips. My coach didn’t approve…so I was fat.

And I’ve been ‘fat’ ever since.

The human mind is a funny thing. 5 years ago, when I was actually at my highest weight ever–a weight that actually (according to the charts for my height) considered MORBIDLY OBESE, I didn’t SEE myself as a fatgirl. Sure, I knew I was squeezing my thighs into the sausage casings I called pants..I knew I was refusing to buy size 20 (or probably 22) clothing. But for whatever reason, when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see FAT.

But when I looked at pictures, I couldn’t avoid it anymore.

Big Sexy

This is the fat me. The me that for whatever reason I couldn’t see when I was actually that size, but now that I’m seriously almost 60lbs lighter, this is the me I see in my head now.

It’s fucked up. And not right. And I’m trying to fix that self image with this post.

I still have those same clothes so I had someone take pics of me in them so I can see for myself the progress that I’ve made and hopefully, eventually, I’ll fix the mental image.

Am I finished? Nope. I’ve got another 30 lbs to go. But am I still the fatgirl? Kinda. In my head. But I think it’s time I overcome that, don’t you?

I’m still here.

I’m still losing.

I’m down almost 35 lbs and depending on whether I’m wearing a skirt or jeans, 2-3 sizes.  It’s amazing the difference in my body. I don’t feel that different, but when I look at myself in my pretty underwear (because I can now wear pretty underwear) I think I’m almost hot. It’s true!

I stopped trying to run and just started walking. Alot. I was averaging 20-25 miles per week. Now it’s almost too cold for me to actually walk that much, so after almost a month off, I’m heading back to the gym and pulling out my Gillian Michaels’ 30 day shred video.

Just thinking about that makes me wince. She’s a beast!

So, it looks like we’re still getting some newbies here and there. How is everyone doing? I promise to get back and blog more. CK has done an amazing job supporting this blog single handedly pretty much since spring. Plus she’s a FREAKING HALF-MARATHON ROCK STAR! Holy Moly!

Now it’s time for you guys to catch me up on what’s been going on in your worlds…

The summer is over.

The book has launched. (have you bought your two copies yet? why not?)

and now I’m back.

I’m officially down 35 lbs from January. I’m a happy girl about that. But I’m getting flabby because my workouts have been sparse and erratic. Need to get back to a regular routine.

It seems that setting small deadlines work for me. I hit my book launch deadline so now I’m going to set another one. -10 lbs in 7 weeks. Can I do it?

Sure I can. I’m going to get back to doing Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred at least 2 days a week, plus circuit training 2 days a week, and walking 3-4 days a week. The diet has to get better. I’m not eating too many calories, but I’m not eating good for me food either.

And then there’s the booze. (It’s always the booze, isn’t it?) Empty calories. So I’m cutting back again. Now that summer is over, giving up the beer will be a little easier. Red wine…not so much.

Anyone still out there? What’s been going on?

First of all, a huge shout out to CK for taking the blogging reins and running with them while I was at conference in DC last week. She is a rockstar.

I had planned to blog as soon as I returned, but then promptly came down with the plague. Unfortunately, I did not vitamin up like I should have before I traveled, therefore I contracted Airplane Plague and was barking like a dog for 3 days. I’m almost over it now. Still have a headfull of snot, but the coughing is pretty much gone.

Now, for some very damn good news. A few weeks ago, I announced my desire to lose 10 lbs by Aug 2 (my book launch party and first signing…) Guess what? I’ve done it.

and now I’m at my lowest weight in 11 years and I just bought a dress in a smaller size. I haven’t worn that size in at least 11 years. Maybe more. (because when I last weighed this ‘little’ I wasn’t exercising, so my body was a big round ball of mush. Plus I had just had a baby)

Anyway, part of the reason I was able to lose 10 lbs in 4 weeks (which is actually more than I should’ve lost) is because

1. I have been exercising my ass off
2. I have been somewhat stressed and food has actually stopped tasting good (which is just totally weird since I’ve always been an emotional eater before)
3. I’ve really cut down on the booze. (though I did drink in DC)

My appetite is really gone. I’m sure it’s because I’m so nervous about my book coming out this week. I’m sure that I’ll plateau very soon or even gain a few back, but here’s the thing, I’m going to do my damnedest not to do that because I finally broke a barrier that I’ve been striving to break for a VERY long time. I’m not about to go back.

Dear Scale (again),

You thought you could piss me off this morning when you gave me the finger, didn’t you? I bet you thought if you just showed a teensy bit of progress (fucking half pound. screw you) that I’d give up and dive into a bowl of cheese dip and a growler of Diamond Bear Pale Ale. Or possibly a 6 pack of Guinness and a pizza.  (mmmm Guinness. I can almost feel the foam on my lips…)

But you see, I have figured you out.

You and my fat ass are in cahoots. Y’all are trying to discourage me so I’ll start eating and drinking the yum again. Aren’t you?

Bastards.

Well, it didn’t work. Nope. I went to the gym this afternoon just to spite you. So there. Fuck you back.

And guess what? After I pick the kid up tonight, I’m going walking again. I had planned to take tonight off, so see? Your little plan backfired.

How do you like me now? And if that bitch number doesn’t go down tomorrow? It’s gonna get worse. Do you hear me?

That is all.

Loathe Love,

Mel

Dear Scale,

Thanks. Seriously. That -1/2 pound that you moved this morning really makes all that hard work, my sore ass, and the lack of booze worth it. I promise, it didn’t feel like a fuck you at all.

Loathe Love,

Mel

Working out has been good. I haven’t started back running yet, but I am walking 1.5 hours 3-4 days a week, plus the circuit training at the gym.

And last week, I added Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred video to my workout. It’s 20 pretty intense minutes and it’s working. Well, my body shape is changing, but I’m still waiting on the weight to get moving. This is what my body does. It holds onto every ounce because IT FREAKING LIKES TO BE FAT. Fuck you, body. I’m not a fan of fat. Yes, I’m the cutest fatgirl ever. Still, fuck off and let go. I’m working my ass off so the least you could do is let me lose a little ass.

It’s frustrating b/c basically every weight loss guru says the same thing: Burn more calories than you’re consuming and you’ll lose weight.

This is bullshit. Because I am doing that and the weight does NOT freaking want to go anywhere. I mean, I know it WILL eventually go somewhere, but I’m a girl who needs instant gratification. I need to know that the work I’m doing will garner results. I need a pat on the head when I’ve accomplished something hard, I need compliments when I write something brilliant, and I need my fat fucking body to let go of some damn weight when I’m working out like a beast.

And I don’t wanna hear any bullshit about muscle weighs more than fat either. I know all that shit. Whatever. I just wanna see the scale move down. Mmmmkay?

Okay, /end bitchfest.

In other news, I’m a big fan of twitter (as many of you know. If you didn’t know, you can find me there http://www.twitter.com/MelissaFrancis) and I follow a few fitness dudes, but this one guy cracks me up and offers some really damn good (and funny) advice on his site. His twitter is http://twitter.com/BodyForWife and his website is BODY FOR WIFE. Read his blog. He has also written a fitness book that he’s working on getting published. No nonsense and frank advice while he myth busts.

So, any progress with you guys?