It was hotter than balls yesterday. Honestly, walking the Big Dam(n) Bridge @2:00 in the afternoon was like walking through the flames of hell with the Heat Miser on my back. Not. Fun.

So I only walked 2 miles…which is better than I’ve done in a while, but not good enough. I also did some light weights last night.

I weighed this morning…I’m 4lbs heavier than I thought I was which just makes me ill. I’m okay with being a little fluffy, but I’m pretty sure at this point I’m pushing the fluffy-envelope.

Food wise I did well. I did drink 2 bud light limes last night, but I’m okay with that. My calories were right at 1200 so it’s all good. And I had lots of water.

Tonight we’re celebrating a friend’s bday and I know wine will be involved. I will allow myself up to 2 glasses, but I’m also planning to walk or do my DVD workout afterward. Mainly because that +4 lbs is burned onto the backs of my eyelids, constantly staring at me and making me feel like a chump. Fuck you, scale. I may be a fat ass, but I’m not gonna take it anymore!

In  fun news, I downloaded a new fitness app to my iPhone. iMapFitness. It will track your miles by GPS as well as your average speed. I love gadgety stuff!

I’m starting over. I’ve gotten lazy and soft and now I have a book signing for my 2nd book (LOVE SUCKS! HarperTeen) coming up in 6 weeks and my arms look like hams and my chin is starting to double up. All because I stopped paying attention.

Sure, I have great excuses. I spent time fixing up my new casa. Cleaning, painting, and then moving. That’s exercise–right? Sure it is, if you’re not drinking beer and eating massive amounts of pizza, BBQ and cheese dip. Oh, and cheese puffs. Lots and lots of cheese puffs.

I’ve stopped my regular exercise and that just isn’t working for me. So here I am, week 1; day 1 again… My goal is 12 lbs in 6 weeks. I know that’s a tough goal, but if I hit it hard, I can do it.

I’ve started off right today. 1 pack of 100 calorie raw almonds, 1 black plum, 1 cup yogurt for bfast. Lunch is a healthy choice and a salad with some blueberries. Dinner? Not sure yet, but probably whole wheat spaghetti and salad.

I’m walking after work and I’m doing my Jillian Michaels DVD at least 3 days a week. If I do all of that, and really cut down on the empty but yummy calories (aka booze) then -12lbs should be no problem.

I’ll check back tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Okay, not exactly FLUFFY but I’m definitely getting soft. I’ve gained about 7 lbs and lost some muscle tone in the few weeks that I’ve been moving…houses not my body. If I had continued to move my body in that time, I might be hitting a new milestone right now. But I digress…

So I told CK the other day that I did better with my fitness when I was blogging here on a semi-regular basis. And even though I don’t have internet at home right now (WHAT?) I’m going to do my best to blog a day or two a week.

Here’s where I am:

I’m down from a size 16/18 to a 12 dress and a 14 pant. BUT my weight is still higher than I want it to be (and creeping back up which is a NO NO because I gave away all my fat clothes on purpose). I was walking about 25 miles a week and feeling pretty darn good about it. I had to drop my gym membership but I’m hoping to start adding that back soon.

My plan now is to walk 3-4 miles a day 3-4 days a week to start. I’d like to start back on a walk-to-run program but I can’t do that til I buy new shoes. And I can’t buy new shoes for a while, so until then, I’ll just be walking.

I’m going to add my Jillian Michaels DVD to my routine twice a week and I’ve discovered jumping on the trampoline is not only fun, but a great core and ass work out. So I’m gonna do that whenever I feel like it.

My goal is to lose 15 lbs by end of July.

I’ll report in next week!

It seems like nowadays everyone and their mom is on the internet. With the possible exception of my mom who is on the internet but only visits three sites regularly (not including this one) and still uses AOL email. Every time I nag her about moving to gmail like the cool kids she reminds me that she has had the same email address for over 10 years and as a result has never lost track of a friend due to a changed address. 

I may be a changeling.

Regardless, one of the perks of the fabulous blogiverse is the public humiliation factor. I’ll be moving to NC for 8 weeks at a minimum and possibly through the end of May. This is both unexpected and worrisome. My joke after moving home to SoCal from Virginia was “hey it turns out I’m allergic to most of the East Coast!” Except I really…am. Now I’ll be leaving on a jet plane and kissing my occasional ability to breathe through my nose goodbye.

I don’t know who manufactures Zyrtec,  Sudafed Sinus or Puffs Plus but if you’re an investor you’ll probably be making a fortune off me. I’d invest myself but I’m broke. That should probably tell you something about how reliable my stock tips are. LOL.

Where was I?

Oh! Public humiliation!

Yes, I love public humiliation! I love it because under normal circumstances I would think:

1) I’m moving from warm to cold

2) I’m moving from dry to a place with rain and snow

3) My 24 hour fitness membership which is good in over a dozen states does NOT work in NC which means I’ll have to pay a second membership fee to join another gym.

4) I’m allergic to most of the trees, grasses and plants of the North Carolina area. I’ll be lucky if I can breathe at all much less run.

BUT

Yes, the BIG but. (No, not the Big Butt, that’s a separate blog)

But I said I am doing a marathon. So far my longest run has been 10 miles. my longest walk has been 13.1 and I’ve got another half marathon this weekend. I’ve got a LOT of training to do between now and March over all but I’m going to do it. Because while I don’t mind looking like a fool in front of friends and family I don’t really want to look like an idiot on the internet.

Is that the most ridiculous nonsensical thing you’ve ever heard? Probably.

Yet it’s true.

And the other perk of the Blogiverse?

Thanks to this blog I am now down TWO count them TWO pants sizes.

I still look like I heifer when I’m running in tights but whatever.

It’s all about the baby steps.

So thanks. {{{HUG}}}

Fat isn’t just a state of body, it’s also a state of mind. And it’s a scary state of mind because once you start thinking of yourself as fat, it’s VERY hard to stop thinking of yourself that way.

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t think I was fat. Even when I was a fit 135 lb athlete in high school. I was curvy. I had hips. My coach didn’t approve…so I was fat.

And I’ve been ‘fat’ ever since.

The human mind is a funny thing. 5 years ago, when I was actually at my highest weight ever–a weight that actually (according to the charts for my height) considered MORBIDLY OBESE, I didn’t SEE myself as a fatgirl. Sure, I knew I was squeezing my thighs into the sausage casings I called pants..I knew I was refusing to buy size 20 (or probably 22) clothing. But for whatever reason, when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see FAT.

But when I looked at pictures, I couldn’t avoid it anymore.

Big Sexy

This is the fat me. The me that for whatever reason I couldn’t see when I was actually that size, but now that I’m seriously almost 60lbs lighter, this is the me I see in my head now.

It’s fucked up. And not right. And I’m trying to fix that self image with this post.

I still have those same clothes so I had someone take pics of me in them so I can see for myself the progress that I’ve made and hopefully, eventually, I’ll fix the mental image.

Am I finished? Nope. I’ve got another 30 lbs to go. But am I still the fatgirl? Kinda. In my head. But I think it’s time I overcome that, don’t you?

I’m still here.

I’m still losing.

I’m down almost 35 lbs and depending on whether I’m wearing a skirt or jeans, 2-3 sizes.  It’s amazing the difference in my body. I don’t feel that different, but when I look at myself in my pretty underwear (because I can now wear pretty underwear) I think I’m almost hot. It’s true!

I stopped trying to run and just started walking. Alot. I was averaging 20-25 miles per week. Now it’s almost too cold for me to actually walk that much, so after almost a month off, I’m heading back to the gym and pulling out my Gillian Michaels’ 30 day shred video.

Just thinking about that makes me wince. She’s a beast!

So, it looks like we’re still getting some newbies here and there. How is everyone doing? I promise to get back and blog more. CK has done an amazing job supporting this blog single handedly pretty much since spring. Plus she’s a FREAKING HALF-MARATHON ROCK STAR! Holy Moly!

Now it’s time for you guys to catch me up on what’s been going on in your worlds…

Today’s Box Score (so far) 

1 hour rollerblading (kicked my butt)

1 hour on stationary bike (meh)

Plans include:

1 more hour on stationary bike before bed

100 situps on ab ball

Observation:

Stationary bikes are the workout equivalent of celery. I don’t actually think it does anything but it’s more productive then just sitting on my butt to watch TV.

I know, I know, it is way too damn early on Monday morning to reference Darwin but I can’t help myself.

I spent the whole weekend sitting on my butt, not working out (two days off in a row for the first time in over a month!) and I’m ready to get back to work. I’ve been reminding myself that I didn’t gain this weight overnight so it’s totally unreasonable to expect to lose it that way.

Hope springs eternal though.

But seriously, I’m still down, I did gain 1/2 a pound at my weekly friday morning reality-check weigh-in. Whatever.

My goal is to lose 2 pounds this week which should be doable given my overall calorie consumption in relation to workout intensity. I know that sounded waaaay too mathematical for Monday too. My bad.

It’s a new week. I’m determined to finish off July having lost at least 1-2 more pounds.

Two-a-day workouts begin today.

120 minutes a day, we’ll see how long I can stand it. LOL.

Has a casting call in Los Angeles.

They’re looking for couples who need to lose 100 pounds which stinks because I honestly don’t have 100 pounds to lose.

Plus $250K would be nice.  

And I heart Bob. I really do.

Not enough to gain weight but still…

For those of you who are in the 100+ category check this out:

WE ARE SEARCHING FOR FAMILY MEMBER TEAMS OF 2 WHO EACH HAVE AT LEAST 100LBS TO LOSE.

IF YOU ARE READY TO WORK WITH THE BEST TRAINERS, LOSE WEIGHT AND COMPETE FOR $250,000 THEN AUDITION TODAY! IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER!

TO AUDITION GO TO thebiggestlosercasting.com to download the application and send in a videotape.

OPEN CALLS — July & August

SATURDAY, AUGUST 1ST
CITADEL OUTLETS
100 CITADEL DR.
LOS ANGELES, CA 90040
9 AM – 2 PM

Please do not line up more than 3 hours before the open call start time
We will do our best to see the first 500 people in line
If you cannot attend an open call you may submit an application and tape with your partner at thebiggestlosercasting.com
If you do not have a partner, you may audition on your own

But can I just say every once in awhile I think about pulling a Rene Zellwegger and gaining 30+ pounds just so I can go on the show and get a free personal trainer full time for a couple months.

Anyone else think about this from time to time?

So…

I might have taken this little “plateau” (what a ridiculously benign-sounding word for such a nightmare) a little personally.

It might have been when my weight loss stalled. 

For over a week.

It also might have been the day I ate exactly 1260 all day.

And somehow GAINED 2 pounds.

I’m sure that was some kind of cosmic test but as I said, I took it a little…personally.

Not only did I fall off the wagon. I LEAPT.

Thanks to that little calorie counter booklet I blogged about earlier this week I can say with full authority that a slice of Costco Combo pizza set me back 680 calories. And the small Baskin-Robbins scoop of Green Mint Chip ice cream set me back about 270. That doesn’t take into account the fact that I still had breakfast, and lunch, and a couple fruit/veggie/coffee-type snacks earlier in the day.

Total overall caloric day’s damage? In the millions. (still less then 3000 calories)

I figure when I get on the scale tomorrow morning having gained 12 pounds at least I earned it by eating something other then egg whites, wheat bread, and edamame.  *sigh*

Back on the wagon tomorrow.

Any advice?