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12 Feb 2014
Categorized As: gear, Hogzilla

Before we get into Love Week, let me first give you a couple of updates:

  1. Eating more calories the right way is hard. I’m gonna have to stockpile food at the office.
  2. I did yoga yesterday to help stretch out my legs from Monday. Um, we did a lot of leg work in yoga and today my ass is on fire. (not in the too much taco bell kinda way, but in the ow the stairs are torturing me kinda way…)
  3. I received my big booby sports bra from Panache yesterday, and I have high hopes for this baby. It lifts! It separates! It harnesses! And I don’t have uni-boob!

Got big plans for Valentine’s Day?

This year me and the Grumpy Bear are going out! Haven’t done that in forever. We have a room downtown, we’re gonna hang around the Rivermarket like Urbanites, and maybe go dancing! Well, we’ll probably go see a band and I’ll dance. I don’t think Grumpy Bear gets his groove on much anymore.

I hope I can dance on Friday. I have training session #2 tonight. If we do more leg work (and I’m sure we will) my manpanion might be pushing me around in a wheel chair. Or maybe I can rent a HoverRound!

I used to dread Valentine’s Day. Truly hated it. But these past few years have really been amazing. Usually we do quiet nights at home, with maybe an appetizer or happy hour after work, but this year, we’re doing it up. I’m not sure where we’ll have dinner. Or if we’ll have dinner. ;)

You should see the sexy-corset I ordered. Fingers crossed it comes in on time, though it probably won’t. That’s okay, the Month of Mel is coming up…and I can wear it for my birthday.

Even us big girls can get our sexy on…trust me.

Speaking of, Love. Here’s a Love Letter to an Internet Bully that I think everyone should read.

Go forth and love one another. But don’t forget protection!


7 Feb 2014
Categorized As: fitness, gear, Hogzilla


Hey ladies! If you’ve got big boobs and you cannot lie…tell me, doesn’t running suck?

I love my Krakens. I really do. They are things of art. They make me want to believe in a higher power. My cleavage makes the gods weep.

But let’s face it, trying to strap down these 38Gs so that I can get my workout on, is damn near impossible.

I’ve tried it all. I’ve used the two harness method. The duct tape (not even joking) method. Buying the 1 size too small and breaking my ribs method. Nothing really works. Well, that’s not true, the one size smaller smoosh-em-down-into-a-uni-boob method does work, it’s just so unattractive. And painful. And no, I’m not worried about how I look when I’m getting my wog on, but let me tell ya. The uni-boob will still put an eye out.

So today, I invested in a sports bra that was designed for Krakens.  I read a couple of good reviews from really large breasted athletes. What sold me on this bra? One reviewer said her rack looked amazing in the bra and it was comfortable. AND it worked. SOLD! Thank you Amazon Prime for free 2-day shipping!

I meet with my personal trainer tonight. I hope I like him. The last guy I met with through my gym was a total douchenozzle. He thought he was charming and funny and motivating, but he wasn’t. At. All.

This will be interesting for sure. I definitely have started the day off right, carbing up for my workout with biscuits and gravy and a donut. People who say “No food tastes as good as skinny feels” must have no taste buds.

Happy Friday, bitches! Get off your ass this weekend a move it, move it!




3 Apr 2013
Categorized As: CarbKiller, gear

Running and fitness sure seems to involve a lot of stuff.

As a kid my two favorite things were pockets in my clothes and cubby holes for stuff. THIS is my fantasy apartment so as you can imagine I have been trying to figure out how best to organize my fitness gear for a long time. I finally came up with a two-step organizational system. I’ve actually been using if for awhile so it definitely works well for me but the topic keeps coming up so I figured I’d blog about it. It’s a two-part organizational system for running/workout necessities. I find when all my stuff is together I don’t make excuses and stick to my workout plan.

This sits on top of my dresser. It’s a Plano tackle box I bought at Walmart for around $9.


The top tray is gels: little pouches of sugar and carbs I take every 45 minutes or so during a race or training if I’m going for longer then an hour. These gels are all from Gu Energy but there are many other manufacturers out there.

The bottom of the container includes:

    • Icy Hot stick
    • A&D rash cream- for chafing
    • Hand Sanitizer- just because
    • Tylenol bottle
    • Immodium bottle
    • Ezy Dose Disposable Pill Pouches (because if you carry Tylenol and Immodium you’ll never need them. But if you don’t…LOL)
    • Roll of Medipore Tape (or Micropore Tape) it’s really easy to remove
    • Duct Tape- this is a huge roll, I usually grab a half-used roll and pull out the middle cardboard section
    • Sunblock
    • Gum
    • Chapstick with SPF
    • Body Glide- prevents chafing
    • Deodorant
    • Black Sharpie
    • Moleskine
    • Neosporin
    • Headlamp- for night running
    • Extra batteries for the headlamp

The convenient thing about having everything in a portable container is that I can pull it out and throw it in my car trunk when I go for long runs. Since I tend to run alone if I have to go any farther then about 3 miles I park my car somewhere central and do three mile loops around it. If anything comes up like blisters, spots that seem “hot” and prone to chafing (particularly around my sportsbra) I can always pull over and adjust. My goal for races is to finish, my goal for individual runs is to work hard but still set myself up well so I can run another day. Blisters and chafe spots can really affect that.

You’re probably thinking this can’t possibly be everything. It’s not. For one thing I hoard sunblock like I’m preparing for the end of the world so this is just stuff I replenish from a Rubbermaid bin I keep inside my closet on the floor.

As for clothes, I have a pretty big drawer full of workout clothes. When the drawer starts overflowing I take that as a sign and start donating to charity.

23 Mar 2013
Categorized As: Apps/Gadgets, CarbKiller, Dietbet, gear

So you want to lose weight what do you need?

I know what you’re thinking *insert chorus of angels* you need motivation! dedication! perspiration!

Um, yeah, I’m not designing a motivational poster I leave that to these people:

The poster says: What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

I say that dude is insane.

But then I’ve finished 36 half marathons in the last 4 years so maybe I shouldn’t be calling anyone else crazy…


So where does that leave us?

Product Reviews!

I’m spending some time typing up reviews of apps and gadgets and gear to give you an overview of what is out there and what you might want and need so check back daily.

If you have questions please feel free to ask.


17 Sep 2012
Categorized As: diet, fitness, gear, Hogzilla

The see me comin’…they be hatin’…

Good Monday Morning FatChick Readers! How was your weekend? Mine was wet, but that didn’t matter because look at my new kicks! Aw yeah. They are awesome.

I was hoping to break them in at the Big Dam(n) Bridge this weekend, but it was just too rainy. The water from the sky forced me to go to the gym. I like the elliptical trainer because of the calories I burn, but I hate it because about 20 minutes in, both of my feet fall asleep. WTF is up with that? You should see me when I’m through running and trying to dismount. It’s hard to walk when you can’t feel your feet.

Tonight is bootcamp #2. I swear I’m looking forward to it. I mean it. I can’t wait. It’s gonna be awesome. Right? Right? RIGHT?

Oh, I forgot to mention, I’ve been using My Fitness Pal to document my food, booze, water, and exercise. I’m loving it. It really helps keep me on track. You should check it out! Also, there’s an app for that.

See y’all tomorrow for the After Bootcamp Obituary, er, I mean, report.


12 Sep 2012
Categorized As: gear, Hogzilla, running

Tonight, I start bootcamp. I’ll bitch about that tomorrow.

Today, I officially registered for the Little Rock Half Marathon. This will be my second half. And I’m excited.  Here’s a couple of pics of me and my crew when we did the half a few years ago. (The very same half marathon that prompted the start of this blog…) I figure if I did it once, I can do it again…

I also (finally) ordered me a new pair of running shoes. LONG over due, that was.

It has begun. The apocalypse is nigh. MELF is on the loose with a goal…look out world. Hide your kids! Hide your wives…

26 Jan 2011
Categorized As: gear

Ever notice how when you don’t have time things just popping up and grab your attention?

There are a couple websites I check for races, one is Most (but not all) marathons also have half marathons as well so a couple times a year I check this site to see what is coming up. Well today I discovered something new. Marathon Guide has a free pacing calculator with free pace wristband.

What’s a pacing wristband? Basically this is what it sounds like, a cheapo wristband that you tape to your wrist to make sure you are where you need to be time-wise on a course. Some people use them to push themselves to personal bests. If you are a back-of-the-packer like me, you use it to make sure you stay ahead of the sweeper bus they send along for people who fall below course time minimums. If a race has a four hour or longer half marathon time limit then I don’t worry about it. At this point if it has a 3:30 or longer time limit I’m okay too. The 3 hour time limit sometimes makes me worry about elevation charts and course challenges. For example, I have a race with a three hour time limit coming up so I went to the Marathon Guide pace wristband page and entered my information.

I’m not worried about the marathon distance for the moment so I went to option B and plugged in my half marathon distance (13.1 miles). Then I put the time I’d like to finish in (3 hours), then I made sure to set it for miles. The United States unlike everyone else in the world loves miles. I could do this in kilometers but I would have to start counting on my fingers and toes.

See where it says Please Wait on that bottom button? That’s because I’ve been playing with it. Yours will say Create Pace Band. Click that and you will see:

This is a miniature screen shot I’ve included here so you can see what I’m talking about. The real one will be a full 11″ long (we print it on 8 1/2″ x 11″ computer paper at home) and you can cut to your desired length. I plan to cover mine with clear plastic packing tape so it will be waterproof/sweatproof. And I will likely tape it on me securely because it’s free I can just cut it off and throw it away after the race is over.

So if you have any pace goals for your upcoming races no matter what the distance give this site a try. I wish I’d found it awhile ago!

4 Jan 2011
Categorized As: CarbKiller, gear

If you happen to have a Droid or an iPhone then you need to go to the app store/ market and download an app called RunKeeper Pro. ASAP! Please note there are two kinds. 1) Runkeeper. 2) Runkeeper Pro. You want the Pro which usually costs $9.99 but is free for the moment. Regular Runkeeper is always free and has ads that will suck phone battery like that vacuum. So get the pro while you can. For FREE.

So what the heck is RunKeeper Pro?

It’s an app that allows you to track your workout as long as you are moving around and have GPS access (It won’t work on a stationary bike or treadmill). Here is an example of the screens available.

Ever get lost while out for a walk? How about tracking yourself on a map?

It will also show you splits so you can see how fast you are going.

It’s free so download it. Play with it. And use it to help kick off your new year.

***Disclaimer: I believe the app is available for free until Jan. 31st but I’d play it safe and download it immediately because you never know.

3 Jan 2010
Categorized As: CarbKiller, gear

I ran 10 miles yesterday on pavement and neglected my post run accessories. So I made sure to wear them today:

Yup, those are bags of cheap frozen peas saranwrapped around my knees. They make FABULOUS ice packs because they’re little and don’t have sharp edges like the ice from my icemaker. The good news is they’re cheap and easy to find. They’re also reusable you just want to try to keep them separate from the bags you actually eat because the peas tend to get mushy after many sessions of freezing, wrapping, thawing and re-freezing.  Don’t ask me how I know that.

It could be worse right? I could be in traction!

15 Dec 2009

So I have one of

to add to

And the race course? The one they originally described as

Changed considerably without notice. My previous blog map was the updated trail but reality looked like:

One disclaimer.

The race course was something like 13.3 according to my GPS watch. I forgot to mark my location at the finish line so 14.67 includes all post-race walking until I got to my car. That didn’t include the extra 2 miles I walked in the morning going from my car to the race, then back to my car and back to the race which would make it 16.67 miles overall.

All in all not a bad day. My feet are fine. My muscles are pleasantly sore but it’s not excruciating and I think I’m finally getting the hang of this race thing! Next step? Solve the shin splint problem!