13 Mar 2014
Categorized As: fitness, Hogzilla

I posted this today on my personal blog. Go forth and read.

Well, it finally happened.

People can be assholes. Don’t let them bring you down and keep you from your goals.

24 Feb 2014
Categorized As: Hogzilla
  • -3.6 lbs ( -5 total)
  • Did 45+ minutes of Cardio 5/7 days. Worked out with Personal Trainer 2 days.
  • I’m following my trainer’s nutrition plan as closely as possible. There are some days where the calories don’t even equal 1000 and that’s just not realistic for me, especially if I want this to be a lifestyle change and not just a ‘diet’.
  • I start my Women Can Run clinic next week (have the intro meeting this week) and I’m totally stoked!

So far, so good. This is my 3rd week, and where I usually start to give up on eating right…but I vow to push through.

I meet Angel tonight and Wednesday this week.

We are less than a week away from the Month of Mel…and I’m contemplating a new tattoo to celebrate turning 45. Just like I did when I turned 40. I’ll keep y’all posted!

19 Feb 2014
Categorized As: diet, Hogzilla

noun \?d?-?t\

Definition of DIET

a :  food and drink regularly provided or consumed
b:  habitual nourishment
c:  the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason
d:  a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one’s weight <going on a diet>

:  something provided or experienced repeatedly <a diet of Broadway shows and nightclubs — Frederick Wyatt>

Origin of DIET

Middle English diete, from Anglo-French, from Latin diaeta, from Greek diaita, literally, manner of living, from diaitasthai to lead one’s life
First Known Use: 13th century

For the record, this is NOT my favorite 4-letter word. NOT by a long shot.

But I don’t wanna talk about how we generally view the word diet…I wanna talk about what the word really means. Check out the origin of the word. “literally, manner of living.” So why is it that we see the word diet and think OH GOD. NO!!!

Oh right. Because today’s society has put this pressure on us to “diet to lose weight” as opposed to eat in a way that provides sustenance and life.. We are so focused on the negative, that we forget that we need to eat to live.

That’s why I’ve been working so hard to change my diet way of eating. I’m trying to eat only foods that come from the earth. If it’s packaged, I’m reading the ingredients and if the first ingredient isn’t a food or vegetable, I’m putting it back. If there are more chemicals than actual foods on the ingredient list, it goes back on the shelf. I’m generally doing the majority of my shopping on the outside aisles and in the hippie food section.

I’ve been cranky the last couple of days, but I know that’s because my body is adjusting to this change. I’m making choices that I enjoy…and if this is going to be an actual lifestyle change, then I have to really focus on eating foods I like. I am sure I’ll have some setbacks, but I’m only human. Right now, if I’m home and watching TV and want to eat…but know I’m not really hungry, then I’m going outside for a walk. I’m trying to redirect my attention so I can control my emotional eating. This is one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. Food has always been my go to comfort.

But I’m trying to change that.

So from now on, for me, diet just means way of eating. It is not restrictive. It is not negative.  It is just my source of energy. Which I will need lots of, thanks to my trainer!

Now, where are my raw almonds? My tummy is yelling at me to eat!


18 Feb 2014
Categorized As: diet, Hogzilla

captlogCaptain’s Diet Log: Day 1

It’s warming up in sector 17, and the planet is taking on new signs of life. We on earth, would call this spring-like weather. The cloak of darkness is lifting earlier in the evening now, and hopefully soon, we will be enjoying more daylight from the main star.

This was day 1 on my new food regimen. It wasn’t difficult because the weather made it easier for me to get outside and enjoy the day, therefore taking my mind off the driest chicken I’ve ever tried to eat. The fish I prepared was edible, and my First Mate seemed to thoroughly enjoy it, so I suppose we will program the replicator to prepare  it in the future.

The holodeck has been programmed to Hell on Earth personal training. I asked for Matt Damon to assist me, but his program was already being used. Sarah Silverman needs to leave him alone. Angel (ONHELL if you’re nasty) had me throwing a 3000 lb 10 lb medicine ball against the wall and then catching it and dropping my ass like it’s hot. Well, my ass is hot, but retrieving said ass from the floor isn’t necessarily an easy acheivement. We did this 15 times. There were tears mixed in with my sweat. Then it was onto step squats. In which I step onto a 1.5 foot high step, then squat down until I wanted to fall. Rinse. Repeat for 15 times. Next, ONHELL makes me do these weird pushups. You start in cobra position, push up to downard dog, bend your knees and come back down…all the while holding your core tight. As if that’s possible in any form of my reality. Holodeck you’re drunk. This turns out to be the most difficult of all the exercises. My T-Rex arm doesn’t want to do more than 6. It shakes and collapses. I am weak. After the pushups, we move to the Rowing machine, which I love. I always have. And the calorie burn is fantastic. Then curls and overhead shoulder press.

We do this circuit three times. Once the session ends, I have already mapped out the end of the holodeck. I try to destroy it, but it reminds me that it is pre-programed for the next 11 weeks, and there is nothing I can do about it.

The next 11 weeks are crucial for the success of this program. I will continue through the pain and monitor the progress. I hope my First Mate and the rest of my crew can live with the pain that I will be inflicting upon them. It isn’t fair, but I should not be made to suffer alone.


17 Feb 2014
Categorized As: diet, fitness, Hogzilla
  • -.6 lbs
  • I managed to do cardio 3 days last week plus 2 days with my trainer. 
  • I struggled getting all my calories in.
  • I had 1 bad food day, but it was Valentine’s night, and who cares.

My trainer sent me my menu for the next 3 weeks. I bought the food last night, prepared a week’s worth of chicken in advance, and got up this morning to cook my breakfast. I don’t like to eat that early, but I managed to eat half of my 2 scrambled eggs with ham and cheese. I put the remainder in a dish and brought it to work with me for a snack.

I walked for 58 minutes yesterday. I’ve been instructed to do 5-6 days of at least 45 minutes of cardio, plus my two day/ week training sessions. This means I am going to have to add a couple of morning gym visits, because I cannot figure out how else I’ll get that amount of cardio in every day otherwise.  I meet with Angel tonight, and will either walk at lunch today or after our session tonight. Tomorrow, I will go in the afternoon. I’m sad I’ll miss my yoga class tomorrow, but my kid has an appointment at 5:00. Maybe I can do yoga on Thursday this week.

I finished my last bit of wine off last night. I am going to dedicate myself to this regimen, which means, no alcohol for three weeks. Thank the gods I can still have coffee…otherwise, I would resemble a very angry troll over the next 3 weeks.

Here goes nothing, bitches!

How was your weekend? Did y’all have a good weekend of love!? I sure did.



12 Feb 2014
Categorized As: gear, Hogzilla

Before we get into Love Week, let me first give you a couple of updates:

  1. Eating more calories the right way is hard. I’m gonna have to stockpile food at the office.
  2. I did yoga yesterday to help stretch out my legs from Monday. Um, we did a lot of leg work in yoga and today my ass is on fire. (not in the too much taco bell kinda way, but in the ow the stairs are torturing me kinda way…)
  3. I received my big booby sports bra from Panache yesterday, and I have high hopes for this baby. It lifts! It separates! It harnesses! And I don’t have uni-boob!

Got big plans for Valentine’s Day?

This year me and the Grumpy Bear are going out! Haven’t done that in forever. We have a room downtown, we’re gonna hang around the Rivermarket like Urbanites, and maybe go dancing! Well, we’ll probably go see a band and I’ll dance. I don’t think Grumpy Bear gets his groove on much anymore.

I hope I can dance on Friday. I have training session #2 tonight. If we do more leg work (and I’m sure we will) my manpanion might be pushing me around in a wheel chair. Or maybe I can rent a HoverRound!

I used to dread Valentine’s Day. Truly hated it. But these past few years have really been amazing. Usually we do quiet nights at home, with maybe an appetizer or happy hour after work, but this year, we’re doing it up. I’m not sure where we’ll have dinner. Or if we’ll have dinner. ;)

You should see the sexy-corset I ordered. Fingers crossed it comes in on time, though it probably won’t. That’s okay, the Month of Mel is coming up…and I can wear it for my birthday.

Even us big girls can get our sexy on…trust me.

Speaking of, Love. Here’s a Love Letter to an Internet Bully that I think everyone should read.

Go forth and love one another. But don’t forget protection!


11 Feb 2014
Categorized As: diet, fitness, Hogzilla, Motivational

So before the holidays, I started a private fitness associated Facebook support group. There are 46 members, a few lurkers, but many of us are active participants. And we are ALL at various different fitness levels. And we are from all over the country.

It has been been one of the most truly rewarding and educational groups I’ve been apart of.

I’d like to introduce you to one of my writer friends whom I love dearly. She’s been doing 100 days…of fitness blogging. She has upped her calorie intake and has consistently lost 2 lbs a week by eating more food. Meet the extraordinary  Shaunta Grimes. She’s using this site to determine exactly how many calories she should consume a day. And it’s really working for her.

I have heard this over and over. You’re eating too few calories. As a girl who has been dieting since she was 10 years old…as someone who has ALWAYS been told to restrict her caloric intake, eating more calories seems ridiculous.

But it’s obvious eating too few calories doesn’t work either. I’ve been at 1400 calories, eating more when I exercise…and I’m not losing weight consistently. Not like I should.

Scooby has told me to eat 2237 calories. And my mind just screamed: NO FUCKING WAY!

Sadly, I don’t think Pizza, Cheese Dip or Nachos is supposed to be included in those calories. Because THEN I could do it.

Ugh. It’s weird because I know what it’s telling me is scientifically true. But isn’t it funny how what you’ve been taught all your life hangs around like a dingleberry with a burr on a dog’s butt?

I just need to snip that old dingleberry off the dog’s ass and forge ahead.

To help me figure out exactly how many calories I’m truly burning during my workouts, I’ve gotten myself a Heart Rate Monitor. The problem with using My Fitness Pal’s numbers, is they are often wrong. They overestimate my elliptical calories burned and they underestimate my calories burned during yoga. And I have NO IDEA how to calculate my calories from my PT sessions.

Speaking of my PT session. My ass hurts. It’s all good though. Except for the part that I did 60 squats and then me made me ‘run’ the stairs 3 times. First of all, I don’t ‘run stairs’. Secondly, these stairs are see-through grated stairs and boy did that fuck with my depth perception. I cried. He cried. We bonded. Then he made me do lunges.


I’ve committed to 2 x a week for 12 weeks. Plus at least 2 cardio sessions on my own per week.

Stay tuned…it could be awesome…or it could be an awesome train wreck. Either way, welcome to the THUNDERDOME.

Goals for the next 12 weeks:

  1. Eat more protein, add more calories
  2. Continue to have at least 1 smoothie per day
  3. Exercise 4-5 times a week
  4. Lose at least 1 jean size
  5. Build up the strength in my T-Rex (left) arm





10 Feb 2014
Categorized As: diet, fitness, Hogzilla

Well, my training appointment on Friday was rescheduled to tonight because of inclement weather. (We got 3 inches of snow and the world shut down).

I spent the weekend on my last binge of food and booze and awesomeness…and got up this morning and made my breakfast smoothie:

1897715_10152628608622907_728136538_nNot pictured: Vanilla protein powder.

Mmmmmm. It was so good. and it’s so quick and easy to make, that I even made myself make it even though I was totally running late.

I do feel better when I start my day off with one of these bad boys.

It’s like my friends on TEAM MELF reminded me, I deserve to take care of myself, even during times of stress. And even though eating pizza and cheese dip when I’m feeling emotional seems like a warm hug from the inside out, I’m actually punishing my body. So stop doing that.

Yeah, it is easier said than done, and I’m only human so I’m sure I’ll falter again, but…for now, I’m gonna STOP IT!.



7 Feb 2014
Categorized As: fitness, gear, Hogzilla


Hey ladies! If you’ve got big boobs and you cannot lie…tell me, doesn’t running suck?

I love my Krakens. I really do. They are things of art. They make me want to believe in a higher power. My cleavage makes the gods weep.

But let’s face it, trying to strap down these 38Gs so that I can get my workout on, is damn near impossible.

I’ve tried it all. I’ve used the two harness method. The duct tape (not even joking) method. Buying the 1 size too small and breaking my ribs method. Nothing really works. Well, that’s not true, the one size smaller smoosh-em-down-into-a-uni-boob method does work, it’s just so unattractive. And painful. And no, I’m not worried about how I look when I’m getting my wog on, but let me tell ya. The uni-boob will still put an eye out.

So today, I invested in a sports bra that was designed for Krakens.  I read a couple of good reviews from really large breasted athletes. What sold me on this bra? One reviewer said her rack looked amazing in the bra and it was comfortable. AND it worked. SOLD! Thank you Amazon Prime for free 2-day shipping!

I meet with my personal trainer tonight. I hope I like him. The last guy I met with through my gym was a total douchenozzle. He thought he was charming and funny and motivating, but he wasn’t. At. All.

This will be interesting for sure. I definitely have started the day off right, carbing up for my workout with biscuits and gravy and a donut. People who say “No food tastes as good as skinny feels” must have no taste buds.

Happy Friday, bitches! Get off your ass this weekend a move it, move it!




6 Feb 2014
Categorized As: diet, Hogzilla, running

It’s that time again! LOL

Last year was a great year all around for me, except in the fitness arena. It seems I have yet to figure out how to make exercise a daily part of my life. I know it’s important. I know I enjoy it once I get past the first month  of forcing myself to do it, but actually getting into routine? Not easy for me.

I will work on this next in therapy, I believe.

I started 2014 right by purchasing a Nutri-Bullet and making myself (and my kid) smoothies every morning. Then, a very big stressful event occurred and I haven’t smoothied, saladed, prepped in advance…since. I have donuted, cheese-dipped, mexican fooded, and wined myself as a form of stress relief. So not the right way to go about it, I know. And I hate that I am giving that stressful situation power over me, but I am. And I have to figure out how to stop.

More to talk about in therapy, it seems.

To help myself along, I have made an appointment with a personal trainer. I’m hoping to do 2 x/week for at least 2 months, if I can afford it. I have also signed up for the Women Can Run clinic to help me get back into “wogging.”

What’s been going on around these parts? Hey Carbkiller!? You still coming to the Rock for the Marathon in March?