Here’s a good article about how to “be enough.”

She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. ~Anais Nin

I don’t really fight with being who I am anymore. It took me years to get there. To love me and my body for who we are–imperfect (but LOTS of fun). In the article I linked above they list 7 steps on how to Master Yourself. For me, it’s an ongoing process. I find myself doing all of these most of the time, but of course, I stumble and fall on occasion.

1. Let go

Let go of all the toxic thoughts and behaviours that are making you unhappy. Let go of the need to search for love outside yourself and start searching for love within yourself.

2. Purify your thoughts

Nurture good thoughts and you will reap good behaviours. Use your mind and don’t let it use you.

3. Contemplate

Contemplate on how you would like your Ideal Self to look like, feel like, love like and live like.

4. Spend time in silence

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility. ~Khalil Gibran

5. Have daily conversations with yourself

Carefully listen to what your Self has to say…

6. Practice self forgiveness

Forgive yourself for holding on to resentment for so long and depriving yourself of inner peace, tranquility and happiness.

Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things. ~Leo F. Buscaglia

7. Love your Self

Learn to treasure yourself and your unique and authentic Self. Work on accepting yourself completely and make sure you are alway kind and gentle with your Self

All of this is connected to my health and fitness goals. I struggle with practicing self forgiveness. I beat myself up when I stumble. I regret choices I make and actions I take and it makes it very hard to do #1…Let Go. These things hold me back, sometimes.

So, let’s all practice mastering ourselves . (I do NOT recommend being the Master of Your Domain…that’s just cruel and unusual punishment) (also, if you didn’t get that reference, that makes me feel really old.)

If you fall off the fitness wagon. Get up! Brush yourself off and move on. Don’t dwell on it. When I beat myself up over the perceived failure, it takes days for me to get back at it. When I just shrug and say, “Oops. Oh well, that cheese dip and beer was good. But it’s time to get back to work.” I do myself a huge favor mentally and physically because it’s easier then to move forward.

Anyway, these are things I’ve been contemplating since my fall from grace last week with the ear infection and migraines. It happens. I’m human. And now, I’m back at it with a vengeance.

I could have written this article myself. But I didn’t.  You should read it anyway.

Wonderful.

PRACTICING YOGA WHILE FAT

I’ve been wanting to try Yoga again but have been terrified of the reactions I’ll get because even though I’m fit…I’m fat. And yes, you can be both. But I love yoga and I have to get over my fear of judgment because really…it’s their problem and not mine. I don’t care about anyone’s opinion of me any other time, so why on earth do I let the thought of Yogi judgment paralyze me?

I guess I am human after all. Dammit.

I’ve ‘started over’ a lot in my adult fitness battle. I don’t apologize for it, because I’m human. Things happen. We go through trials and tribulations that are real…or at least, real to us, and we sometimes pick the wrong way to deal with those issues. Sometimes, I’ve just stopped working out or stopped eating right because I stopped seeing progress…so Fuck It! Sometimes I stopped because we had 4 days of bad weather and it was a good excuse in my head.

But this is my mantra for starting over:

Every time I begin again, I’m smarter about it. And every step forward is a step toward success. And beating myself up or listening to assholes who would rather try to break me down for being the fat girl who always fails, I smile and remember this:

and this:

and most importantly. This:

If you need to dwell on ‘haters’ and others opinions then you’re missing out on a real opportunity to feel better from the inside out. This has taken me a while to learn, but it is amazing how healthy I feel. And eating clean and exercising daily is just adding to that.

So carry on, bitches. And remember, everyone has an asshole, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to be one. Failure is just another step toward success. Don’t listen to the assholes. Don’t listen to that little niggle of doubt in your mind. Just get up…and try again. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And your Brick House won’t be either.

CarbKiller has reinspired me. (is that even a real word? Reinspire? Oh well, it is now.)

Actually, reinspire isn’t quite correct. I’m inspired everyday. But my motivation is severely lacking.

But today, I’m starting anew, and I’m using this as my mantra:

12 weeks.

That’s what it says. So from April 1 – June 29 (which is actually 13 weeks) I’m going to really dedicate myself to completing the lifestyle change I”ve been working on. I’m going to eat better, exercise better, exercise more and continue my positive attitude.

I’ve been hit and miss with the eating and exercise portion of this program, however, my positive attitude has held strong. I’ve been reading a book called OVERCOMING PASSIVE AGGRESSION to help me deal with some very passive aggressive people in my life and to recognize that behavior in myself, as well, I will be honest, it isn’t easy changing the way you deal with people and respond to them, but it is worth it.

Today, I walk with Robyn. Tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday I’m going to hit the gym because it will be cold and rainy. I don’t care if I only manage 20 minutes on the elliptical, I’m gonna go. And I’m gonna do my best to get some form of exercise daily. Even if it’s just a walk. Because I need to move. And frankly, I’m tired of starting over.

I’m so much better than that.

So I’m back. For at least 12 weeks. I started out today on a not-so-great note…12 donut holes for breakfast. However, I did write them down in myfitnesspal journal. So at least I’m holding myself accountable.

Here we go again, Fat Bitches. Let’s get this party started!

The title of this blog post looks like an algebraic equation. Maf hurts my head.

Last night was bootcamp class #4 and it was a tough class. The toughest so far…however, it felt almost easier. All the walking I did last week in between classes paid off! Yippee! I’m the right amount of sore this morning and I’m not groaning with every step, so I think I’m on the right path!

In other news, I registered for Little Rock’s Color Run in November!  Check out the photo gallery and tell me that doesn’t look like the happiest 5K on earth! How fun does that look?

taken from http://thecolorrun.com

Our team name is Dye Hard. Yeah, we’re cool like that.

The see me comin’…they be hatin’…

Good Monday Morning FatChick Readers! How was your weekend? Mine was wet, but that didn’t matter because look at my new kicks! Aw yeah. They are awesome.

I was hoping to break them in at the Big Dam(n) Bridge this weekend, but it was just too rainy. The water from the sky forced me to go to the gym. I like the elliptical trainer because of the calories I burn, but I hate it because about 20 minutes in, both of my feet fall asleep. WTF is up with that? You should see me when I’m through running and trying to dismount. It’s hard to walk when you can’t feel your feet.

Tonight is bootcamp #2. I swear I’m looking forward to it. I mean it. I can’t wait. It’s gonna be awesome. Right? Right? RIGHT?

Oh, I forgot to mention, I’ve been using My Fitness Pal to document my food, booze, water, and exercise. I’m loving it. It really helps keep me on track. You should check it out! Also, there’s an app for that.

See y’all tomorrow for the After Bootcamp Obituary, er, I mean, report.

STOP SMILING!

The people in the picture are lying to you. There’s no smiling in bootcamp! There’s sweating, moaning, groaning, WTFing and possibly some bleeding…but definitely no smiling.

So, I survived. It is gonna be hard, but I’m determined to complete the 9 sessions.

These are last night’s lessons learned:

1. Nobody is pretty at bootcamp. Except for the instructor.
2. Wearing old, worn out sneakers because your new ones are on order is not gonna make your life easier. Or your back hurt less.
3. If you have arthritis in your elbow, you’ll want to take an Aleve or Advil before you go–other wise, your left arm will not get a full workout due to the excruciating pain you’ll experience.
4. The instructor may tell you that your body can take it if you push yourself, but your body is going to tell you she’s a liar.
5. If you want to get in the back of the class, arrive 30 minutes early.

I think I’m going to like the class when I get more comfortable with what we’re doing. Wow, it’s a lot of work, but that’s okay. Despite having to pee 4 times in the middle of the night, I woke up well rested today, and that hasn’t happened in months.

Also, ladies? When you go to bootcamp, please don’t wear giant, dangly earrings. You just look like a moron.

I’m happy I went. I’m happy I survived. I’m happy I have a weekend to walk and recover.

Oh and it food news,  I did pretty well yesterday:

Depression can be very, very sneaky. It can grab a hold of you when you least expect it…and then what do you do?

Well, if you’re me, you try to eat, drink, and sleep it off.

And then you wake up fat and dumpy slightly more curvy than expected. (And winter is coming (hur hur)…I need to be able to fit into my pants!)

WTF happened to me? I was motivated. I did a damn Half Marathon, I lost 50lbs! I survived a divorce, fell in love again, got a job…I shouldn’t be depressed!

But, sometimes your circumstances don’t have anything to do with your emotional status. Sometimes, you just wanna be in a coma sleep.

The last time this happened to me, it was after I had separated from my husband. So what did I do when I realized I was eating, drinking, and sleeping my life away? I focused my energy on diet and exercise and therapy. And wow, what a world of good that did me! Like, in just a few months, I became myself again!

So I find myself circling that drain of depression again. Financial burdens are weighing on my shoulders, my stressful work situation is agitating me, and…well, I just seem to be treading water. I’m just surviving life. And I’m not good with just surviving. I have always been fond of choosing to live. Choosing happiness. Choosing my state of mind.

And with that admission comes this…I chose to join a Beginner’s Bootcamp starting Wednesday. 9 sessions in 5 weeks.  And on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’ll be walking…working my way back up to a run. Because I’m signing up for the Little Rock Half Marathon again.

I’m all in. I gotta be more proactive in my life. I am not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself any longer. I am choosing to engage. It’s not going to be easy. And I’m sure you’re going to hear all about it. But, with hard work and a little luck, maybe I’ll get back on track to reclaiming my awesome.

Anyone still out here? Anyone with me?

Hello party people!

Well, it’s that time of year again. The one where we all swear we will never eat fast food or sweets ever again, pledge to run 10 miles a day and end up at the nearest drive thru 20 minutes later. How about we all just save each other some guilt and try something different.

There is a gentleman by the name of John “The Penguin” Bingham who has brought love and attention to the turtles of the world. Some people can run fast and win the Boston Marathon. Well done to them. For the rest of us, we are there to have fun, get some exercise and just generally be healthy. Slow and steady still finishes the race (and gets the same medal).

In that spirit, John put together a little Facebook group called the 100 Days Challenge. The rules are participants have to move your bodies for 30 minutes a day for 100 days. Join the group HERE.

GUIDELINES: The movement must be intentional. You can do 30 continuous minutes, 2, 15 minute segments, or 3, 10 minute segments.

On January 1st I biked for 30 minutes on the easiest level of the stationary bike at the local gym.

On January 2nd I walked my first uninjured half marathon since I walked off the course at the Marine Corps Marathon.

On January 3rd I felt like crap but still forced myself to sit on the same bike at the gym and do my 30 minutes.

I haven’t done anything yet today but according to my Little Rock Marathon Training Schedule I am supposed to run 5 miles. That’s going to take me a heck of a lot longer then 30 minutes.

At some point I should stop being a whining wimp and do some upper body stuff too but for the moment I am just proud of myself for showing up.

As for the Facebook group, people are still joining every day so you can too.