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19 Jan 2010
Categorized As: CarbKiller, diet, shout out

It seems like nowadays everyone and their mom is on the internet. With the possible exception of my mom who is on the internet but only visits three sites regularly (not including this one) and still uses AOL email. Every time I nag her about moving to gmail like the cool kids she reminds me that she has had the same email address for over 10 years and as a result has never lost track of a friend due to a changed address. 

I may be a changeling.

Regardless, one of the perks of the fabulous blogiverse is the public humiliation factor. I’ll be moving to NC for 8 weeks at a minimum and possibly through the end of May. This is both unexpected and worrisome. My joke after moving home to SoCal from Virginia was “hey it turns out I’m allergic to most of the East Coast!” Except I really…am. Now I’ll be leaving on a jet plane and kissing my occasional ability to breathe through my nose goodbye.

I don’t know who manufactures Zyrtec,  Sudafed Sinus or Puffs Plus but if you’re an investor you’ll probably be making a fortune off me. I’d invest myself but I’m broke. That should probably tell you something about how reliable my stock tips are. LOL.

Where was I?

Oh! Public humiliation!

Yes, I love public humiliation! I love it because under normal circumstances I would think:

1) I’m moving from warm to cold

2) I’m moving from dry to a place with rain and snow

3) My 24 hour fitness membership which is good in over a dozen states does NOT work in NC which means I’ll have to pay a second membership fee to join another gym.

4) I’m allergic to most of the trees, grasses and plants of the North Carolina area. I’ll be lucky if I can breathe at all much less run.


Yes, the BIG but. (No, not the Big Butt, that’s a separate blog)

But I said I am doing a marathon. So far my longest run has been 10 miles. my longest walk has been 13.1 and I’ve got another half marathon this weekend. I’ve got a LOT of training to do between now and March over all but I’m going to do it. Because while I don’t mind looking like a fool in front of friends and family I don’t really want to look like an idiot on the internet.

Is that the most ridiculous nonsensical thing you’ve ever heard? Probably.

Yet it’s true.

And the other perk of the Blogiverse?

Thanks to this blog I am now down TWO count them TWO pants sizes.

I still look like I heifer when I’m running in tights but whatever.

It’s all about the baby steps.

So thanks. {{{HUG}}}

12 Jan 2010
Categorized As: CarbKiller, running, shout out

Okay I’ll admit it, I’ve been something of a mopey-pants since Saturday morning. Not because there is anything wrong with a 5K. Alright I’ll stop BSing, there is something seriously wrong with the 5K. There were no medals. Come on people a medal costs like a dollar to make right? And it would look so pretty on the medal tree I’m planning for myself!

Fortunately the other 5 (yes 5 of them) 5K races I tentatively have planned for 2010 all feature race bling. Who are you calling a blingdigger? Me? Oh, okay just checking. :) 

From the health standpoint my knee is still iffy. Initially it was both knees felt a little…off. Several days into this whole rest + Advil thing I’ve decided left knee is okay, right knee (my dominant leg) is the troublemaker. I wish flogging would straighten out what is clearly my leg’s bad attitude but Tanya Harding proved that doesn’t work.

I know, I should be ashamed of myself for even mentioning her but I’ve been watching old Saturday Night Live reruns.

Anyway, my general disgust over lack of bling, failed race distances and a funky leg have just made me feel…blah.

And then I heard from a lovely woman named April. She posted a comment on my woe-is-me blog from Saturday and basically made my week. She signed up for a half marathon! Just like me! And she clearly must occasionally laugh at my jokes because she lurks here! Just like me!

Okay, I don’t actually lurk here but I might occasionally shake my head at my own craziness, is that weird?

Anyway. THANKS April! You made my day and best of luck on your half marathon! We’d be delighted to post about your training and race adventures if you’d like. (No pressure).

I’d also like to share a facebook picture my friend Carol posted of her weekend’s winnings.

The Donald Medal is for running the Walt Disney World half marathon on Saturday, the Mickey medal is for running the Walt Disney World full marathon on Sunday, and that Goofy medal? You only get that if you do both the same weekend. 39.3 miles in two days gets you a little extra bling. This year’s medal was distinct because it’s the five year anniversary of the WDW Goofy Challenge but how cool are those!

And this year with snow, ice, sleet and generally the worst race conditions I’ve ever seen 55,500 people participated in race weekend events. Just imagine the crowds! A hearty congrats to all the people who ran, walked, jogged, stumbled or just stood on the sidelines and chEARed. You all rock!

Maybe if I survive 2010 I will be willing to try that for 2011. If you’ll excuse me I’m off to take my vitamins.

13 Dec 2009

Running a race is a lot like a final exam. You can’t just show up and expect to pass unless you’ve put in some kind of effort.

Some people prepare for months and sleep deeply at night secure in their efforts.

Others realize 24 hours beforehand that 80% of their overall grade is riding on this sucker and panic commences. This can include all night cram sessions. Cheat sheets. Sleep for these people is rare if not impossible the night before their big event.

While I fit in neither of these categories, I do take some time the night before every race to set out my gear, pack some snacks and generally prepare myself.

It’s a little hard to do that when all you can hear is

Particularly when your drive home from your race expo involved a lot of

It’s discouraging.

As much as I’d like to pretend I could stick out an entire half marathon in those kinds of weather conditions there is just no way. Maybe if I was a full scale runner. Maybe if I wasn’t a total wimp. Maybe if hell froze over.

So why didn’t I just throw in the towel last night?

Because my friend Joan posted her 2009 medals not too long ago and I was a little jealous.

And then yesterday my friends Stephanie and Greg posted a picture of their Christmas tree.

How awesome is that tree!

And now you see why I was unwilling to give up on today’s race.

Darkness wasn’t going to stop me.

Rain wasn’t going to stop me.

Not even Frodo himself was going to stop me from my quest for shiny objects.

So driving past Angel’s stadium in the dark didn’t faze me.

And arriving to wet pavement didn’t faze me.

Neither did stormy skies.

But then there was a miracle! By the time I reached the starting line the skies has cleared up and I was greeted with:


29 Jul 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, shout out

There really isn’t a better way to explain why yesterday’s meeting was on a yacht. The economy sucks and it was as cheap as renting a conference room for 300 people. How weird is that?

The yacht company took several opportunities to tell us the yacht was available for wedding and bar mitzvahs. Um…yeah. That’s a *bit* out of my price range but hey thanks for the FYI!

Other then that the meeting was like all the other 5 million meetings I’ve been to. Partially interesting, partially education and partially mind-numbingly-boring. Kind of like school. LOL.

In other fun news HZ’s book is officially OUT. I texted her yesterday and she sounded like she was trying not to hyperventilate.



24 Jun 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, shout out

Dear Idiots-who-run-my-housing-complex,

Ordinarily I don’t think of you very fondly. You’re anal and annoying. You insist on stupid stuff like professional window washing three times a year which leaves all the dirt and causes me to lose window screens because the contractors never show up on the day you tell us.

Or, you pervs sit out on your balconies as I pathetically try to swim laps in the little swimming lane. Nothing makes me as self-conscious as knowning 25 people are watching my butt surface like Shamu when I doing kick turns. It’s awesome.

But today, I take back all that hostility. Why? Because today you are AWESOME. I just discovered our pathetic three cardio machine gym has direcTV with all the movie channels I’m too freaking cheap to order. So now when I am dying to see Johnny Depp I can drool while thudding along on the treadmill.

Hell YEAH!

Today is the awesome. Yes, yes it is.

25 Feb 2009
Categorized As: Hogzilla, shout out

Before you leave the house for a run, go pee.

And then go pee again.

Because if you’re drinking as much water as I am, you should be able to pee on demand.

I tell you this because tonight, even though I peed before I left to go for my run, it wasn’t enough. So I started my faux-jogging and immediately jiggled my bladder into thinking it WAS COMPLETELY FULL. Yes, it had barely been 10 minutes since I last emptied it, but that didn’t matter, 1 jiggle of the faux-jog AND HOLY FUCKING DAMN I HAD TO PEE.

And of course, the restroom at the park was closed.

So tonight’s run turned into a very fast walk. With a special wiggle. I still managed 3.25 miles in 40 minutes. Not too bad considering…

12 Feb 2009
Categorized As: shout out

A little birdie told me my friend HZ’s FIRST EVER book finally has a face cover. It’s a hysterically funny young adult book because we all know if HZ is awake she’ll make us laugh. Buy this book. It will be a fantastic summer gift for your teenager so they don’t drive you insane. (Yep, that’s Mel, just doing her little part for world peace)

BITE ME! available for PRE-ORDER

Buy now: Pay later!

For the bargain basement price of $8.99, you can buy yourself a copy of BITE ME! It’s a great deal, especially when you realize you won’t be paying until it ships in August!

Also, if you buy 3 or more copies (big strong hint) you’ll be qualified for free shipping. Now that’s a deal!!!

So don’t wait! Order your copy(ies) of BITE ME! today!

Oh, and feel free to spread the word…

10 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, shout out

The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on “donating a mammogram” for free (pink window in the middle).

This doesn’t cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

Here’s the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

10 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, shout out

I live in a bubble. No, not as in boy in a bubble but as in total media blackout. I literally get on long enough to blog and that’s it.

That being said I heard about the Australian fires like I do many other things. My mom told me. I went online a discovered: The Koala Story (warning it’s depressing)

For those of you whose bubble is bigger then mine, Australia is in the midst of one of the worst wildfires in their recent history. Having been fortunate enough to visit Victoria, Australia I can honestly say it is a place like no other. Here are some pictures from a trip to Bendigo, Australia (population 98,000).

A beautiful church in Bendigo, Aus

The Central Deborah Goldmine, Bendigo, Aus


Lake Bendigo

Lake Bendigo


An amazing church in Bendigo, Aus

An amazing church (Bendigo)

Bendigo Fire Map
Bendigo Fire Map

And then of course, the bad news. This is a map I found at (if you click on the map it will take you to the accompanying article).

I wish I had pictures of the outback but it was just so dry, so sparse we mostly stared in amazement and didn’t think to take pictures. Brush covers everything and it is all so very dry. Particularly this time of year since our winter is their summer.
My heart goes out to the Australian people.
3 Feb 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, lunacy, shout out

I’d just like to send out a huge



to my partner in crime who just pounded out an obscene number of pages to finish her manuscript!

You rock HZ!