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17 Apr 2013
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny

I’d originally titled this post Best.Monologue.Ever. and wanted to feature this Colbert Report Intro someone sent me this morning. It made my day.

But then I thought about things I’ve read and seen online so I’m including them too.

Running is a tight-knit community. And you don’t have to really be a “runner” as I am mostly a walker but they claim me anyway. As I said in yesterday’s blog, this incident felt like a personal attack. All my running friends felt the same so we started thinking about how we could show support. Other then the obvious eff you to the bomber(s?). We all plan to run races in the future and guard our loved ones on the sidelines to the best of our abilities so that goes without saying.

There had to be something else though.

One person suggested wearing a race shirt, any races shirt on Tuesday.

Another person suggested running 4.09 miles for the exact time the first bomb went off. Or run 2.62 miles for the marathon so many people couldn’t finish.

I did the 4.09 quietly and wore a race shirt from Surf City (my most recent)

Then a runner named Sam posted this on Facebook and the San Francisco Marathon page caught it.

It’s a screenshot from a smartphone app. Please note Sam is fast compared to me 6.78 miles in an hour and one minute is light speed for me but what a neat idea!

People continue to come up with ways to show support like donating blood

Ed “The Jester” Ettinghausen

Or money:

It’s amazing how people come together.
But if you live near Sam Shah give him/her a high five from me.

22 Mar 2013
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny


9 Jan 2011
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny, running

Good news: I came in second in my age group today for my half marathon
Bad news: They missed the second digit on my age and put me in as age 3
Really bad news: I can’t even come in first in the 1-8 age division.

19 Dec 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny

You know how you know you’re a runner? When someone posts about the health of their sinuses and how that might affect their next race in a wall update on Facebook. (Names have been hidden to protect the innocent…on the off chance that one of these people is innocent).

*Note- I’ve never had a “pre-race fettucini alfredo” primarily because it would put me in a cream sauce coma and I always fear I’m going to get so excited I’m going to forget to stop when I hit plate.

So what would you do if you saw a status update like that? Let’s analyze some answers. One of these was posted by a male and one was posted by a female. I’ll let you guess which one is which.

I’d like to take a moment here and give a shout out to Facebook. Before the development of this technology I can safely say the good fortunes or misfortunes of someone else’s sinuses never really registered with me.

Still, in some ways this brings about a sense of community right? We’re all in this together. So what does contestant #2 have to add to this conversation?

So which one was posted by a male? Response #1 or Response #2?

It just kind of speaks for itself doesn’t it.

12 Dec 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny, race details

This is not my Bib but I want it.

And yes, part of my goal tomorrow is going to be finding the woman who is wearing this thing because I really want to know what she looks like.

21 Nov 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny

I have about 10 blogs I need to type before I can post. Various things about gear, first aid, training etc. But it’s going to take me awhile in the meantime here is some adorable entertainment in the form of a determined baby squirrel.

8 Nov 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny

When a picture is worth a thousand words

song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs

28 Oct 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny

Welcome Saudi Arabia! El Salvador! Czech Republic! and Taiwan!

I have to confess, one of the best parts of blogging is keyword analysis. You can use or GoogleAnalytics but learning the details of this site just cracks me up. Particularly when I discover we have readers from every continent except Antarctica (come ON South Pole rearchers, we know you’re bored down there!) And of course, the closet writer inside me starts to wonder…

Here is how you got here:

#1 search:   FAT CHICKS (notice the all caps)- $50 says this is guys looking to score with unskinny women. When women discuss weight problems they say things like obesity and overweight, or they’ll mutter about being fat. Only a guy would throw down the phrase FAT CHICKS in all caps. Hello gentlemen and welcome. 

My person favorite was “can fat chicks run?” – YES! It’s not always fun (particularly if you don’t train) but it is DEFINITELY doable. Stick around you might learn something.

Fat people on hovercrafts- Um…WHAT? You weren’t just looking for hovercrafts (which I get if you’re into military stuff) you wanted FAT people on hovercrafts! What the hell is wrong with you? go read a book!

Costco Food Guide- Oh how I would love to see the looks on the faces of Costco executives when they discover out a search on Costco’s Food Court takes you to a website where fat chicks bitch and moan about running! (I also recommend

Farting Jeans- What in the hell is this? I’m a pretty creative person but even I can’t figure out how you go from “farting jeans” to “fat chicks running” unless… oh my God they found my post about the Ab Ball!

And my personal favorite:

Easy Fat Chicks in Ohio?

I like that it was asked as a question. I’m sorry brother but I have no answer for that one.

The mind boggles.

27 Oct 2009
Categorized As: CarbKiller, funny

Yesterday I blogged about the elitist idiots that stick up their noses at the racing masses courtesy of the NY Times article. (Note elitist is not to be confused with elite)

So I’m obsessed with the San Francisco 1st half marathon. I have to finish a 1/2 or Full in SF to get my California Dreaming medal and since my current race speed is “hella slow” as they say in NorthernCA you can imagine my concern. There are two SF 1/2 marathons.

The 1st 1/2- In order to qualify as an Official Finisher, you must finish within a 3 hour course limit.  The course has a rolling closure based on the last wave start and based on a 13:45 minute per mile pace.  Therefore, you must reach Mile 1 before 13:45 minutes, Mile 2 before 27:30 minutes and so on.  [i]BUT you go over the golden gate bridge and how cool is that! [/i]

The 2nd 1/2 is more my speed. In order to qualify as an Official Finisher, you must finish within a 3.5 hour course limit.  The course has a rolling closure based on the last wave start and based on a 16:01 minute per mile pace.  Therefore, you must reach Mile 1 before 16:01 minutes, Mile 2 before 32:02 minutes and so on.  [i]But no Golden Gate Bridge[/i]

[b]And then I discovered the UnMarathon [/b]better known as the “Progressive Marathon”
The Progressive Marathon is an accumulation of 23.1 miles prior to Race Day.  You run or walk 23.1 miles leading up to Race Day.  Keeping track of your mileage on the Progressive Marathon Tracking Sheet, you must hand in this form during Race Weekend and complete the 5K race in an hour or less in order to be eligible for a Progressive Marathon medal.  

Info on that can be found here.

If I wasn’t busting my butt for the actual 1/2 marathon I would totally do this progressive thing. 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles. And you have a medal to prove it. How evil would it be for me to facebook message both these women with the details of this incarnation of their sacred race?

But its soooo tempting.

23 Jun 2009
Categorized As: funny

So an evil friend of mine who shall remain nameless (mostly because I can’t remember which evil friend is responsible) sent me a link to a website that has basically become an addiction. Forget PerezHilton and his celebugossip, this stuff is priceless.

It’s like watching Darwin in action. If they put this stuff on reality TV I would never get anything done. Ever.

The site is called Texts from Last Night. I apologize in advance for the time suck. Sorta.

Basically people can submit embarassing text messages to the site and then people vote on them. Bad night or good night?

They’re all hysterical but here are some examples. The number in ( ) is the area code the text originated from.

(314): i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother
instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit.

(443): the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

And anyone relate to this?

(603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

Filed Under: funny