I had a houseguest this weekend. Now, under the best of circumstances I am a really crappy hostess. I am not a big entertainer so if you’ve made it to my house it’s because we are friends on some level. I further assume you must like me to put yourself at my hostessing mercy for a set amount of time. And I figure you know from my tshirt and jeans personality that I’m not about to pull on an apron and offer you homemade petit fours.
The rules at my house:
1) You want a beverage head for the fridge. You are free to consume anything in there and if you need a glass I expect you to forage in the cabinets. If you expect me to remember to ask you if you want anything you’re going to be waiting a really long time. I’m not intentionally rude it just doesn’t occur to me.
2) Food. I will offer what I have. You will not like it. I will take you to my favorite restaurant nearby which you will love because they have something for everyone. Plus, I will probably pay for both of us since I very rarely have houseguests. If you’re staying for more then one meal I will then drag you down all the aisles of the grocery store until we have enough stuff for your dining/snacking/drinking pleasure for the duration of your stay.
3) Shampoo/toothpaste/q-tips and other shit we all forget to pack when going away for a night or two. I have plenty of everything, feel free to use it. No, you don’t have to ask. No I am not offended if you raid my cabinets.
4) Your bed is clean because I wash it after every guest. I will however, forget to give you towels, so again feel free to raid the cabinet in the bathroom. Yes there are tons of towels. Pick a color, any color.
That’s it. The very simple rules. I’m a simple girl and as my friend you should know that and it shouldn’t surprise you.
That being said I’d like to finish up this post with things I wish I’d said to my guest this weekend.
1) When I told you “I have English muffins, eggs/whites and kraft singles, I’d be happy to make you an egg mcmuffin in the morning” and you answered “Oh my God that is SO MUCH FOOD!!!” Clearly I’m a fat chick so I don’t understand anorexia. Was it the Kraft single?
2) When we were at our workshop on day two with 48 other people and enough food to feed 150. I took a second mini-muffin and you said “*gasp* you’re taking TWO?” like I was depriving orphans of food. Should I have cut the second mini muffin in half?
And that was just a snippet. It was a pretty crazy weekend. I am SO glad it is over.
P.S. My blisters are FINALLY healed. I’m taking today off and tomorrow I’m back in action. WOOT!
Lord Have Mercy.
I would have taken a dozen mini muffins thinking they would only combine to make 1 regular muffin.
If you had offered to make me an egg mcmuffin I’d have said, “Better make me two. I’m hungry.”
I like anorexic chics to be my flight companions for the following reasons:
1) I can have my seat and half of their seat.
2) I can easily toss them over my shoulder (or aside if they are a PITA) in my quest for the emergency exit doors.
3) They always give me their nuts.
Annmarie, we should do breakfast.
I’ll bring my own toothpick.
CK, you deserve automatic entrance into heaven after you showed such restraint.
I’m proud of you for not outing her on the blog for wearing sponge-painted unicorn sweatshirts. Notice I’m not as nice…
Sponge painted unicorn sweatshirts? She clearly needs more help than a chocolate chip cookie could provide.
I’m up for any meeting that involves food, CK. I live in GA. Home of sawmill gravy and cat-head biscuits.
GA? *sigh* great another buddy on the far side of the mississippi river. I may have to take a rain check. But I’m pretty sure when we do meet it gravy will be involved.
i prolly would have said the following: “that’s it?” to the mcmuffin question. or “got any bacon or sausage?” “can i drive you somewhere to get said bacon and sausage?” “you know, hollandaise would go great with our mcmuffins”
and when you had grabbed that second mini-muffin i would have looked at you and said “you complete me.”
Cinde, LOL!
*makes note to stock many many mini muffins for the FCR reunion in 2020*